It has been a long time. A really long time. I remember how excited I was when I first started writing this blog and would daily have topics lined up that I wanted to talk about. I am not sure what happened and why I stopped writing but I am determined to get back into being a regular blogger. I really do feel like it is something I need to do for me to be able to express myself truly without fear of judgement or confrontation.
I wanted to take a minute here in this entry to touch upon some of the ways my life has differed since two years ago when I started this blog. It is really hard to believe actually how majorly things have changed. Some things have stayed the same. I will start with that since I like to make lists, so just humor me here. Things that are the same: 1) I have the same job as I did. Through it's constant ups and downs and drama and daily challenges I have managed to stay with it. (2) I still hang out with the same people. It is still a frustration sometimes that I haven't really found a clear cut group of people who I can call up randomly and go hang out with but I really do appreciate the individuals who have stuck by me through all my drama and I know I can call and vent to, or just say "I need to go out and do something, can we hang out?" I really do appreciate you and I hope nobody feels undervalued at all when I say I am experiencing frustrations sometimes. Two of my closest friends from college don't live close to me so that is hard. In fact, just recently my best friend moved to Texas which is even further than she was away from me so it's not as if I can just randomly call them and ask them to come over and watch a chick flick with me whenever I want to. (3) The majority of my interests are still the same. I still love country music and baseball and chick flicks and am still a hopeless romantic. The basic core of who I am, which includes my hobbies and interests have not changed. I still ramble on and on and am a "babbling brook" at times. That has not changed.
Now for the differences. Honestly there is really one that comes to mind. When I started this blog I was single. Now, I am engaged. Talk about a major difference! Although, as I stated above, I am still the same person I feel that my perspective on a few things have changed now that I am about to be married and the things that once seemed so important are not as important anymore and things that I never thought I would be thinking about I am now putting importance on. I would love to share my story with you about how I met my fiance and how we got engaged and all that but I think I will save that for a future entry.
What I do want to talk about right now is something that I thought about when rereading alot of my old entries. There were two that specifically come to mind. The first one was when I posted song lyrics to a song called "Soulmate". If you wish, you can go back and reread those lyrics but I am not going to post them again here. This song actually holds alot of meaning for me. While I didn't tell many people this at the time, this song became a favorite of mine because it reminded me completely of Andrew. The whole part about knowing this person already but not fully realizing that he was the one and in the midst of the search for the one you realize it was him all along is mainly what I am referring to. For those who already know our story, this will make sense to you. If you don't, I hope it will be clarified when I do write that entry. Another reason why this song has so much meaning to me is because around the same time I posted this song to my blog I also posted it on my facebook. I then received a comment from one of my friends simply stating: I think I know who your soulmate is. It intrigued me even though I had a sneaking suspicion who she was referring to. I come to find out that, in fact, she was talking about Andrew. Posting these lyrics seemed somewhat random but what they turned out to be was a huge realization for me and a turning point in our relationship. The second thing was an entry in which I posted a list that I had made of qualities that I was looking for in a guy. I copied and pasted the list below to refresh some memories or perhaps to read for the first time:
1. He must be a Christian. This is the most important one for me. This means that he is a Christian in practice not in theory. I need to be with someone who shares the same views as me and then we can grow in our faith together.
2. Sense of humor. While this one seems generic, it is also something that I find extremely important. I grew up in a family that is always laughing, making corny jokes and teasing each other. I don't want to lose that.
3. Family man. There is more to this one but what I mean is that family should be important to him. It is extremely important that he likes my family and they like him. I have two older brothers and a mom & dad that he needs to impress and it is important that they all like him and give their blessing. Also, I would really like to have a good relationship with his family as well.
4. Nurturer. As a youngest child, I am used to having people take care of me. While I am able to take care of myself something that is really attractive to me is when a guy wants to take care of me and protect me. Without going into a whole different explanation, the whole birth order thing is interesting to me and I think me being with an oldest child is probably the best because they are usually used to nurturing their younger siblings.
5. He has to really "get" me. This is not a specific personality trait but is extremely important to me. I am really complicated and hard to get to know and so the guy I end up with has to take the time to really peel back all the layers and stick around long enough to figure me out.
I'll admit I had to laugh a little bit when I reread this. At the time I didn't want to admit this, even to myself, but that list was about Andrew. At the time I created this list, I was just starting to realize my feelings for him. I wasn't making it known to people and I was still trying to fight it but deep down I was beginning to see it. I sat down and made this list and looked back and realized that Andrew had all five of those things. While I didn't make the list to fit his personality, because those five things are truly important to me, I had him in the back of my mind while writing it. It seems almost obvious now but maybe it wasn't so much back then.
Ok so this entry is super long so I am going to close it. Hopefully I didn't just ramble on and on without a point and hopefully those reading this see that my point is to simply point out that while it has been a long time since I have written in this blog and one major thing has changed.. that I was kind of on the verge of this big change when I began writing. If I had continued to be a regular writer perhaps the changes wouldn't be so significant, but alas they are.
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