Love theories and lists

Something I have decided since I decided to get a blog was that I wanted to mix it up a little bit and not write about the same things all the time. I want to stretch myself to write about things I might not normally talk about. One thing that is important to understand about me is that I am a television junkie. I don't play any sports, I don't participate in any musical activities (I so wish I was musically inclined, but sadly, not so much) so what do I do in my free time now that I don't have classes to take and homework to complete? I watch television. It might not be the healthiest thing in the world, but it is something that is a part of who I am. Television challenges me to think about things differently,and.. like any good television show it also helps me to unwind after a day of thinking too much. Being an escapist as I am, it is pretty perfect for me.

So I watched this television show last night. It's called Cupid. I remember years back they had one with Jeremy Piven and I really enjoyed it, so I was kind of interested to see what it would be like now with a different actor. I have to say, I enjoyed it. The basic plot line is this guy who claims to be Cupid is punished from Mount Olympus and is not allowed to go back until he has made 100 love connections. Naturally, people think he is crazy- which is why they call in a psychologist to help him. She is a skeptic who obviously has had her heart broken one too many times so it makes for an interesting show to have such opposite viewpoints. What I found to be entertaining was the fact that I could very easily relate to both sides. I am a hopeless romantic at heart, and would love to think that there is this guy who is just waiting for me out there and when the time is right, I will meet him and we live happily ever after. However, there are also several times when my cynical nature kicks in and I think that is just not going to happen. The writers of the show did a really good job showcasing both mentalities to the point where I wasn't sure which one was the "right" attitude to have. In this particular episode, a musician from Ireland is looking for this woman he met briefly a few years back but only knows her name and what she looks like- nothing else. He comes all the way to America looking for this girl only knowing that information and Cupid decides to help him find this girl. It is a romantic notion, and one which fairy tales are made of, but what ends up happening is that on this musician's quest to find this mystery woman, he falls for a news reporter that Cupid pairs him up with in order to find said woman. Then, when he actually finds the girl and they meet the two of them realize they have nothing in common and that he really is in love with the reporter. While it is pretty predictable, I still enjoyed it nonetheless.

What is the reason I just wrote that whole paragraph you may be asking.. well because it made me think about the way love is viewed. Growing up, watching Disney movies and reading fairy tales we are kind of led to think that love at first sight is a real thing and that everything always ends up happily ever after when in reality, that is certainly not the case. I am the first one to say that love at first sight does not exist. While I have never personally been in love, I have come to know that love happens after knowing a person for awhile. It comes after you discover their likes and dislikes, the things that make them tick, their unique quirks. There is no possible way that two people who just met are in love and they all of a sudden know everything there is to know about the other person. I do think that you can be attracted to someone at first sight, and then it can eventually lead to love if you spend enough time with them.. but does it start out as love? I say no. There may be people out there that disagree with me, and that is perfectly fine. I would love to sit down and have a discussion about it but that is the only thing that makes sense to me personally. I am still a true believer in love and am just like all the other women out there who are just waiting to find that special person that God made just for me.

I would like to share something that goes along with the whole.. childhood fantasies vs. adult realizations about love. When I was in high school, I remember my church was having these bible studies at people's houses and there was one that took place at my house. While I was significantly younger than everyone else in the room, I sat in and listened to the discussion. One of the guys that was teaching shared a story about what he did prior to meeting his wife. He said that he sat down one day and made a list of qualities and traits that he would like in a woman and kept it somewhere that he could periodically look at it and pray for this person if she existed. Sure enough, some time later, I don't rememer specifics he said he met a woman who would eventually become his wife and sure enough, she fit all those qualities he had written down on the list. I thought that was such a good idea, and so naturally I made myself a list. I found it pretty recently and laughed at how much things have changed. Some of the things on that list changed as I grew up and things shifted a bit. I am a a little skeptical about the whole concept because it makes me feel like I would be making out a checklist and making sure a guy fits every criteria and rejecting them if he doesn't. It kind of goes along with the whole theory of sometimes a guy may be perfect for you on paper, but in reality there is nothing there- just like the show depicted last night. However, I decided to write a new list anyway because it does help to know what you are looking for as long as you realize that the guy or girl you end up with does not necessarily have to possess all of the traits you put down. While I don't want to share the whole list with everyone, I can share a few of them:
1. He must be a Christian. This is the most important one for me. This means that he is a Christian in practice not in theory. I need to be with someone who shares the same views as me and then we can grow in our faith together.
2. Sense of humor. While this one seems generic, it is also something that I find extremely important. I grew up in a family that is always laughing, making corny jokes and teasing each other. I don't want to lose that.
3. Family man. There is more to this one but what I mean is that family should be important to him. It is extremely important that he likes my family and they like him. I have two older brothers and a mom & dad that he needs to impress and it is important that they all like him and give their blessing. Also, I would really like to have a good relationship with his family as well.
4. Nurturer. As a youngest child, I am used to having people take care of me. While I am able to take care of myself something that is really attractive to me is when a guy wants to take care of me and protect me. Without going into a whole different explanation, the whole birth order thing is interesting to me and I think me being with an oldest child is probably the best because they are usually used to nurturing their younger siblings.
5. He has to really "get" me. This is not a specific personality trait but is extremely important to me. I am really complicated and hard to get to know and so the guy I end up with has to take the time to really peel back all the layers and stick around long enough to figure me out.

I will end this.. because I know it's long and I applaud you all for hanging in there. I hope this entry at least made you think about your views on love.

Adult or Adoloscent?

I wish I could sit here and give everyone a clear outline of what this blog will be about. I wish I had a specific theme in mind so that everyone who comes across this would have some sort of an idea what to expect, but I can't.

The reason I decided to name my blog "My Safe Haven" is because I have found that I am only truly myself when I am writing. I have a hard time articulating my thoughts and feelings when in person and when speaking so it is only through writing where I truly feel safe. At the end of the day, this is where I will turn to and reflect on things that have been swimming around in my head all day. I hope that people can get a better sense of who I am through this blog.

I guess to kind of go along with what I have been saying, I will share something that I have had a hard time dealing with lately. I hate being the age I am. I am too young for some authority figures to view me as an adult, but I am too old for them to perceive me as an adoloscent. I have no idea how to act around these people anymore. I act like I am a teenager and all I get told is that I can't be the responsible one because I don't act as though I am- so then I act like the responsible one and make a valiant effort to do everything that a "responsible adult" would do and I still get criticized because I am "too young" to handle this kind of responsibility. Make up your minds people!

In reality, I am not really either extreme, I am stuck somewhere in the middle and I am sick of trying to be too far to either side.. just let me be where I am. I may be a big kid at heart and be able to relate to children of all ages (hence my desire and passion for working with them) but I can also handle certain responsibilities if I am given the chance to. I work in a position where I am the "boss" and I handle all of the "boss" duties and it is a challenge but it has helped me to see that I can handle it. I am not perfect, but nobody can ever say that about anybody. I may have a different attitude and opinion about doing things than some of the other people in the same boat as me but that does not make me better or worse than these people. I just wish that these people would take the time to sit down with me, no games, no pretenses and just hear me out. I have some good ideas and I have some input that might be beneficial, but when I get shut down before I have the chance to show people that, it really irks me. If I were a few years older, maybe I wouldn't have this problem.. and if I were a few years younger I probably wouldn't care as much because I wouldn't have to.

It seems like when I was younger people always commented on my maturity. They were always so impressed by the fact that I could sit with a crowd of people my parent's age and hold an intelligent conversation with them. Now, as I am getting older it's almost as if people don't see that as much. I can still hold intelligent conversations with people my parents age, but I can also hold equally important conversations with individuals younger than me. This is why the majority of people I see and hang out with on a regular basis are either older or younger than myself. I have two people that are my age that I talk to regularly. Why is this? It is something I consisitently wonder about. Is this healthy? Should I be hanging out with more people my age?

I apologize if I was all over the place, but that is me. I get going on something and it's hard to stop me until everything spills out of me.